So we completed our Guards Conversion Course at the same time where the men of 3rd Battalion Singapore Guards 10thMono Intake ended their Basic Military Training (BMT). 

The BMT that they went through were the same as the BMT that I went through and mentioned in my earlier post. The only difference was that theirs was in Bedok Camp instead of Pulau Tekong. Their BMT trainers were from Tekong and they had their best times training recruits on mainland.

Now that they have completed their BMT, we would take over the BMT trainers as their commanders. I was assigned as a section commander for Charlie Company Platoon 8 Section 2. Apparently the syndicates that we were assigned to during GCC was according to our would be company attachments. Syndicate 1 would be attached to Alpha Company, Syndicate 2 to Bravo Company, Syndicate 3 to Charlie and Syndicate 4 to Support Company.

Honestly, I didn't particularly enjoy this period of my army life. It was like, no more school. No more courses. No more anyone else to cover us. Work begins now. No more trial and error. An error means an error. No resets, no trials. 

Honestly too, I was still hoping to be posted out to a non combat unit. Yes I do enjoy the knowledge learnt, the weapons used, the warfare tactics, but... I am not physically fit. I always struggled and had to play catch up to the standard physical fitness and it was very tiring and depressing. There wasn't much regimentation to be uncomfortable about now as we were in an actual combat unit now and not in a school. But I still wanted out. I wanted to go to a unit where I can book out more often. The idea of staying in camp for 5 and a half days a week for the next almost 2 years was very disheartening. Not to mention that there would definitely be moments that we had to go overseas or doing weekend duties in camp. 

Anyway, they said that in the army, we have no choice. “Lan lan”. “Suck thumb”. 

So Advance Infantry Training begins. 

Basically now we had to train the men under us to the skills that we learnt during Guards Conversion Course. We had to teach them rappeling, train them for 10km runs, teach them how to use the section weapons, the section standard operating procedures, the mission techniques and everything else for them to know as a combat soldier.

There was the coastal swim that we didn't do during GCC. We have to do it this time with everyone together. 

I think it was a 4 weeks training and just like us, once they completed the course, they would graduate as Guardsmen. 

I can still feel the dread as I type this. I am not as enthusiastic as when I wrote the other posts. 

The men graduated and then got their khaki berets and shoulder guards tab. When everything was over, basic training was over. Moving on from this Advanced Infantry Training, it would just be tactical training day in day out. As a platoon or a company or as a battalion. On top of that, physical training continues. IPPT, SOC, swimming, target firing, etc. Same old stuff over and over again to maintain proficiency and readiness.

​This post would be the last post for me to write in chronological order. From next week onwards, the posts in this series would be in topics. Well it would still be in some form of chronological order all the way to our ORD date. But do look forward for the parts and more interesting topics coming up. 

I just had to get this AIT over and done with.

NEXT WEEK : OUR COOL WEAPONS

Categories : The Army Series

​When I was a boy, I thought I was a superhero. Just like every other children think. But they didn't look like they think that they were. They only became superheroes or superhuman when they play. They didn't believe that they were during normal times like reading times, eating times, napping times etc. But I did.

I thought I had super senses. Like Superman or Spiderman. I could see things that people couldn't. I could hear things that people didn't. I could smell things that they didn't. 

And then I checked with them. “Can you see that?” “Can you hear that?” Can you smell that?”

And they said yes.

So I guess it is just normal and I was imagining things. I grew up thinking everything is normal.

​I was disappointed that I am not superhuman and I cannot emulate a superhero. I am just another dispensable person. 

But only recently when I read about “AS”, I found out that all those sights, sounds, smell, taste, texture all make sense. Yes everyone can sense them too but how the brain of someone with “AS” process them is different. 

And some of it can actually been very, and have been, disturbing all my life.

​SIGHT

When I became myopic at the age of 8, I resigned to the fact that I am not a superhero. As it worsen over the years, I had no choice to put on spectacles and keep changing them every year. My “degree” went up to 350 by the time I reached 12 years old.

Like I said, it's not that I can see things that people couldn't. It is how my brain process the things (and information) I sense. 

When I was 34, I went for Lasik treatment and have almost perfect eyesight till today. From then on, it reminded me of what I have been seeing. 

Let me try to explain. 

Have you ever tried taking a photograph of a friend. And while you are trying to get the best composition, other friends try to photobomb. Behind, beside, in front of the subject and they cannot stop moving. They come in and out of the frame. Jump in and out. Making noises and screaming for attention? I'm sure you had. 

That is the best analogy I can think of. That is how I see things everywhere around me. At first I thought I was easily distracted. Some people keep saying that I am easily distracted. Some people say I cannot make eye contact. 

Yes. Everything around me just jump in and out, screaming for attention. Not in a ghostly or weird manner but.... let's say I am walking along a pavement, I will see a squirrel, a crow, a mynah, a finch, a cockroach, a rat, a lizard, a person crossing the road, a piece of cloth being dried at a nearby block, a flying plastic bag, a car with a dent, a policeman in a car adjusting his spectacles, it just go on. And EVERYTHING is demanding for my attention just like someone trying to photobomb a photo. All of them seem to say, “Look at me!” It is very tiring to ignore that I end up not ignoring. I'll just look at them, let my brain process them and even remember them for minutes, sometimes hours and days. By the time I've finished a few hundred metres of walk, my brain will be overloaded with images and information. Most of the time I get tired, close my eyes and massage my head. 


HEARING

Very similar to my sight. Every little thing that I hear is screaming for attention. It is not that I can hear a pin drop from a kilometre away like a superhuman. It is just that every sound that any other person would ignore, screams for my brain's attention. 

Let me try this analogy. 

Say you are driving down a road in Singapore. Windows all wound up. You turn on the radio and drive on happily. Actually there are sounds around you that you can hear but you ignore. The engines of other vehicles, the motorbike engines, the pebbles that you drive on, the friction of the road and the tires, the sound of your own engine, the wind, the trees ruffling, construction works, bumps on the road, etc. All these slightly masked by the music from the radio. And then you hear the sound of a horn from somewhere which got your attention and you became alert for that moment of time to see what the horn was about. 

You see, there were other sounds but you ignore. Once you hear a horn, your senses heightened. Even though the sound of the horn may not be louder than your radio's volume. 

So that is what I am hearing. Every sound around me is like a horn. All sounds jolt me or heightened my alertness to some degree. Every sound screams for attention. While I'm driving, I hear everything that I mentioned above without being able to ignore them. Let me copy and paste. 

The engines of other vehicles, the motorbike engines, the pebbles that you drive on, the friction of the road and the tires, the sound of your own engine, the wind, the trees ruffling, construction works, bumps on the road, etc. 

But they cannot be masked by the sounds from the radio. 

It made me realise also that I don't actually listen to music. I thought I just didn't enjoy it. I realise that they are just more distractions and more sounds screaming for attention. Imagine while driving and with the sounds that I mentioned plus the music, my brain will pick up extra sounds and information from the music such as the bass drums, the bass, the cymbals, the strings, the screeching of the guitar plectrums, the singer's breath, etc.

This is only an example during a drive. Combine the hearing and the sights while driving. I don't know if you can imagine the chaos in my head and how tired I get.

I am not even going to share my experiences on sleeping.

Ok I share a bit.

I get tired so I become sleepy but I keep getting woken up by sounds. I hate the army because of this. The whole bunk is noisy. Worse during reservist. 40 years of getting tired but not able to get good sleep all the time. Imagine living in an HDB flat, 3rd floor, beside a street, a carpark, a coffee shop, a market. I really really badly want to have my own quiet place to stay to finally get a good sleep. But then again I am a peasant in my own country so I most probably end up in another noisy HDB flat. 

Just to sum up this part. I cannot ignore any sound and every sound screams like a vehicle horn that begs for attention.

SMELL TOUCH TASTE

I guess you would be able to imagine by now how everything screams for attention. Sight and hearing are hard to control but the other 3 senses can be controlled so I don't really have much issue with them. I don't want to smell, I can cover my nose. I don't want to feel then I don't touch. I don't want to taste then I don't eat. 

But I'll just share what I think can be interesting. 

SMELL

I can remember smells. I can associate smells to the last thing I remember of it. The person, the place, the situation. Some very generic ones like, this perfume reminds me of someone. The smell of concrete reminds me of some homes I went. The smell of haze reminds me of the worse haze in 1997 and 2013. 

When I was working with ACT3 and I travelled to schools all over Singapore, I remember sharing with my colleagues that certain areas have its own smell. I cannot explain what they smell like but if I smell them again, I can remember. Areas with the most distinct smells are Jurong, Tampines, Bedok, Yishun, and Bukit Batok. 


TOUCH

I always thought that I am ticklish. I remember when people tickle me, I would squirm. The sensation will stay with me for hours and I hate it. The only way for me to fight off the ticklish feeling is by screaming and beating the person who tickle me. I would feel this balance in my head and body and I can forget about the tickle. So if anyone tickled me, I would beat the person up immediately. 

Some people with “AS” says that they get disturbed by things like clothes label at the collar or the inside of the shirt. For my body, I can feel the constant itch. Everything gets itchy and I just need to scratch or else I won't feel satisfied. Anything can cause an itch. A wind blow, a twitching eye, a person's touch, the clothes label brushing the skin. I've learnt to ignore them but if I have a choice, I would scratch every itch.

Also, when I touch something with my left, I must make sure my right will touch it also or I will feel an unexplainable imbalance. If I touch a lift button with the forefinger of my left hand, I will touch it again with the forefinger of my right hand. If I kick a football with my right foot, I make sure I'll kick it again with my left. If I scratch my right shoulder, I must scratch my left shoulder too. 

TASTE

As for taste, I don't have much issue because as I get older and with certain habits, I am slowly losing my sense of taste. But similar to the sense of smell, I can remember certain tastes and what it reminds me of. 

WHEN ALL THE 5 SENSE COMBINE

That's pretty much I can say about my 5 senses. Previously I thought that all these are normal and I am just a weakling and a spoilt brat. I cannot sleep unless it's quiet. I get tired easily. I get distracted. 

After reading about “AS”, all these make perfect sense. Just imagine one drive from home to work. All the information that is screaming for attention. I get tired when I reach my destination even though the day has just started. The information that was crammed in my head during the drive get stuck in my head for hours and imagine how many more information get forced into my head from the other hours. Everything I see hear and smell. The annoyance I experience when the things I touched are not balanced. I get tired when I reach home. I cannot have a good sleep because HDB flats have noisy surroundings and then tomorrow is another day. 

These are just tiredness from the senses. “AS” terms it as Sensory Overload. 

Next week I am going to share about another thing that apparently causes fatigue too.

NEXT WEEK : Masking and Fatigue

Categories : Weirdly Wired

Untuk penulisan blog saya, bagi kumpulan penulisan-penulisan pengetahuan am kali ini, saya akan menulis menggunakan Bahasa Melayu. Walaupun secara zahirnya, saya menaip dan bukan menulis, tapi saya akan tetap gunakan istilah “menulis” dan “penulisan”.

Anda boleh membacanya dengan menggunakan loghat Singapura, iaitu loghat Johor Riau. Saya tidak menulis dengan ejaan seperti “aper” “kenaper” “biler” “kite” dan seandainya, sebab ejaan sebegitu tidak pernah wujud secari rasmi. Namun begitu, anda masih boleh menyebut perkataan “apa”, “kenapa”, “bila”, “kita” dan seandainya menggunakan loghat Riau tanpa terasa terkongkong dengan ejaannya, kerana ejaan dan sebutan loghat tidak pernah berkait. Sepertimana dahulu saya di sekolah, kita tidak pernah ada masalah ini sebelum sebutan baku dikuatkuasa. Dan pada masa itu juga, walaupun sebodoh mana kitapun dalam mata pelajaran yang lain, mata pelajaran Bahasa Melayulah yang akan memeberikan kita markah tertinggi. Tidak ada “ape-ape”, tidak ada baku. Jadi kita tidak pernah ada masalah dengan ejaan. 

Perkara yang ingin saya perkatakan dalam penulisan kali ini ialah tentang “Bulan”.

Semenjak ada media sosial pada zaman ini, macam-macam benda yang dapat kita lihat. Sudah beberapa kali saya terlihat gambar bulan tapi saya tidak berkata apa-apa. Tapi hingga ke hari ini, ia terlalu kerap sehingga saya rasa saya patut berkongsi tentang pengetahuan am ini.

Kenapa dengan bulan? Yang saya ingin ketengahkan ialah tentang bulan di siang hari. 

Ramai yang sudah melihat dan meletakkan gambar bulan di siang hari di media sosial mereka. Ramai yang kepelikan. Ramai juga yang menyahut dengan kekata-kekata yang memelikkan. seperti:

“sudah hampir kiamat”
“musim panas sudah tiba”
“musim monsoon akan tiba”
“kuasa tuhan akhir zaman”
“putaran alam sudah rosak”

dan sebagainya......

Rata-ratanya, ramai yang tidak pernah melihat bulan di siang hari atau memikirkan bahawa bulan hanya timbul pada waktu malam sahaja. 

Bukan akhir zaman, bulan di siang hari sudah ada sejak permulaan zaman. 

Bulan berputar mengelilingi bumi dan mengambil masa sebulan untuk membuat satu putaran. 

Bumi pula berputar diatas paksinya dan mengambil masa 24 jam untuk satu putaran. Jadi dari itu, kita akan tetap dapat melihat bulan sepanjang hampir 24 jam bergantung pada tempat kita berada dan juga kedudukan bulan pada waktu itu. Oleh sebab ini, kita dapat melihat bentuk bulan yang berbeza-beza pada setiap hari kerana kedudukan bulan ketika ia mengelilingi bumi sentiasa bergerak dan akan hanya ada pada tempat yang sama sekali dalam sebulan. 

Ia juga berputar di atas paksinya sendiri dan ini menyebabkan kita untuk hanya dapat melihat setengah permukaannya sahaja dari bumi.

24 jam? Jadi siang hari pun ada bulan? Ya. Sentiasa ada. Tetapi kerana bumi juga berputar, dan jika kita duduk di tempat yang sama di bumi, terutama kita di Singapura yang berkedudukan dekat dengan garisan khatulistiwa, kita hanya dapat melihat bulan selama lebih kurang 12 jam sehari. 

Di sini saya letakkan jadual bulan terbit dan terbenam bagi bulan Ogos 2021. Sila baca.

Masa di sini menggunakan cara 24 jam. Bererti 00:00 adalah jam 12 pagi. 13:00 adalah jam 1 tengahari.

​Jadi bulan tidak terbit pada waktu malam sahaja. Anggaran masa terbitnya adalah lebih kurang lewat satu jam pada setiap hari dan ia berputar dengan masa begitu setiap satu bulan. 

Jika ada yang terlupa, bulan juga seperti matahari, akan terbit di timur dan terbenam di ufuk barat.

Pada 9 haribulan Ogos, bulan akan terbit pada 7:34 pagi dan akan terbenam pada 8:02 malam. Tetapi ia adalah bulan sabit dan mungkin agak sukar untuk dilihat di siang hari kerana terlalu halus.

Pada 15 haribulan Ogos, bulan akan terbit pada 12:30 tengahari dan akan terbenam pada 12:52 malam. Mungkin ini lebih mudah untuk dilihat kerana ia adalah bulan setengah. 

Dan begitulah putarannya setiap bulan sehingga hari kiamat. Boleh gunakan Google dan masukkan kekata “moonrise time Singapore” untuk mengetahui lebih tentang maklumat dan pengetahuan am ini. 

Juga boleh lungsuri lelaman ini:

https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/singapore/singapore

Lelaman ini ditulis menggunakan bahasa Inggeris. Namun begitu, saya yakin bahawa lelaman ini tidak memberikan maklumat dari anasir-anasir yang cuba menyesatkan pemikiran dan akidah saya. 

Categories : The General Knowledge Series

​Hello mainland! I am back! I was so happy to be back on the mainland that I didn't mind at all to be posted to 3rd Guards. Whatever. Wherever. As long as I'm back. Tekong was depressing. Well at least Tekong has mobile coverage now and the recruits there can bring their handphones. So you see, it should be much better now. And you see why I am writing this series? Because it is so much different now and what we went through then, would just be a myth if we are to tell these experiences to anyone now and in the future.

​Circa March 2001. Bedok Camp 2. Home of the 3rd Battalion Singapore Guards. About 80 of us who have just graduated from School of Infantry Specialist (SISPEC) 17th Advanced Section Leader Course (ASLC), stepped foot into the camp. It was spanking new. We would be attached to the 10th Mono intake of recruits who were at that time undergoing their Basic Military Training. Once they complete their BMT, we would also complete or Guards Conversion Course and will be assigned as their leaders. See, it was all planned and set up. Anyway, the camp was spanking new. The previous batch, ie. the 9th Mono Intake started their service in Kranji Camp. Halfway through their service, they shifted to Bedok Camp. When they completed their service, 10th Mono took over. So the camp would most probably be about only a year old. Compared to old army camps that you can imagine, this place is like a heaven to stay for the next 1 year 9 months. With new blocks, beds, toilets, facilities, etc. The guys from 3rd SIR across the field could only watch in envy. 

We were then separated into 4 groups of about 20 persons each group which were called “syndicates”. They had fancy names then. A “syndicate” means a group or section. The trainers were called “cadre”s. I was grouped in syndicate 3. 

Our Guards Conversion Course would last 4 weeks. There is an online video series if you google Guards Conversion Course. It is not exactly what we went through but it was somewhat similar. So maybe you can have a look at the videos. As for me, I only have diminishing memories in my head as we didn't have digital cameras then. Interesting thing about our course then was, it was the first time for the formation to experiment a “Gentlemen's Course”. Supposedly they were going to treat us trainees as “gentlemen” instead of the usual dreaded “tekan” course. Well, after SISPEC, I guess this was a nice change and welcome. Maybe this Guards Conversion Course (GCC) won't be so torturous after all. 

There were a number of requirements for us to complete in order to graduate from this course. If I'm not wrong, they were

10km run within 50 minutes.
Helicopter, tower and cliff rappel.
2km Coastal Swim
Guards Assault Course
Summary Exercise

For administrative or logistical reasons, we would not complete the coastal swim during the course but we would do it later in the year together with our men from 10th mono intake. 

We were welcomed by HQ company sergeant major, Staff Sergeant Saygar. He had this distinctive way of walking and talking. Numerous badges on his uniform. A commando and a guardsman. Cool character. We all had a kick of imitating him and apparently I was the only person who could imitate him as close as possible. 

As mentioned, we would be there for 4 weeks. It was still a 5 and a half day work week then, meaning we would book out on Saturdays and book in every Sunday evenings. Even though I could only see civilisation for 1 and a half days a week, at least we were on mainland. A public bus stop just outside the gates. 

Staff Saygar said that, not only would this be a “Gentlemen's Course” (his favourite phrase was “all of you are all commanders level”) we could also come to camp in bermudas and sandals. That was kind of cool. Polo T, bermudas and sandals to book in. Unlike other army camps in Singapore. We were also told to bring sporty shades for training. Bedok camp was by the sea so to us, it kind of had the beach camp vibes. A few days later, they even set up a small “shop” with retailers from ASICS and Oakley to sell us running shoes and sport shades at a heavily discounted price. Yeah it was kind of cool.

So 1st requirement. To complete a 10 kilometres run within 50 minutes. We went through a number of running training before we had to go through this test. As Bedok Camp was just beside East Coast Park, our running training was held there. So if you were there at that time, you would see these boys, running bare bodied in running shorts, Asics shoes and Oakley shades. Either running at our own pace or as a large group. Quite a cool image. Not only it was for the image, but it actually brought the soldiers' morale up. We had pride in our training and of course none of us would want to look like weaklings running in public. I still hate running though.

Anyway me and a couple of others could never meet the timing of 50 minutes. Tried as hard as we might, I just couldn't clock below 50 minutes. My buddy, Nurizam, even piggy backed me for hundreds of metres just so I can catch my breath while gaining ground but I still could not make it. I think my fastest time was 50 minutes 20 seconds. Irritating I know. Yes for the whole of my full time NS life, I never gotten below 50 minutes. In a sense, I failed the commanders test of 50 minutes but I completed the course as Guardsman because the time set for the other soldiers was 60 minutes. So because of this, I served my vocation in a Guards unit but I only got my khaki beret and shoulder guards tab a year later after the unit turned operational.
​

​I was looking forward for this. What made me excited to be in the Guards unit is that I will get opportunities to do rappeling. One of the officers said that Guards units are either seaborne or airborne and it depends on your intake. Luckily for us, ours was the airborne intake. The next batch will be the seaborne intake. I'd rather be in a helicopter than on the RPL in the sea. 

In GCC we were trained in 3 situations of rappeling. One was tower rappel where we already tried in SISPEC. But here we learnt different styles (we called it stunts). There was the normal tower rappel meaning we go down the tower backwards facing the wall, there was the Australian rappel where we would go down face first. There was also the inverted rappel where we go down head first. 

The other was the cliff rappel which had the normal rappel and Australian rappel. Additional stunts were the hasty rappeling. It is the kind where we didn't have carabiner to coil our ropes. It was just ourselves and a rope and we go down the cliff sideways. We also had a buddy rappel where we piggy back a buddy (as if they are casualties) and we rappel down with him. The cliff rappel lessons were done on this cliff in Changi. 

During my first hasty rappel attempt, which was scary as we didn't have a carabiner to coil our ropes, I kind of panicked and lost my footing and posture. I held on to the rope for my dear life midway down the cliff and was hanging there facing the cliff with my feet dangling downwards. I didn't know what to do. Our Regimental Sergeant Major, Warrant Siva, shouted from below asking me to get my posture right and be brave. But I kept hanging there. He laughed via the loud hailer and kept shouting, “Faster get your footing la! You want to hang there for how long?! Macam cicak la!!” I finally got my footing and rappeled down. He laughed when I was at the bottom, saying I looked like a cicak (gecko). From that day onwards until the end of my NS days, he called me Anwar Cicak Man. This was in 2001. Way before the CicakMan movie in 2006 that was acted by Saiful Apek. Coincidentally a doppelganger.

Last one was the most exciting. A heli rappel. We would rappel down a Super Puma helicopter in groups of 4. Go google “Guards Heli Rappel” and you would see what I mean. The helicopter would hover 90 feet in the air as the ropes were only 100 feet long. 100 feet up in a helicopter at Sembawang Air Base, I could see my block of flats before rappeling down.

​Honestly I cannot remember anything about this. Basically it is a series of obstacle course that you have to clear in a group within a stipulated time. Along the way, you will be posed with challenges by the cadre. Those OBS camp kind of stuff.
​

I cannot remember this one either. But a quick google search says that it is 10 kilometres long. I cannot remember what was the timing that we had to meet. Though I think I kind of remember the abrasions and blisters on our feet, groins and armpits.
​

Last was the Summary Exercise (SUMMEX). I think it was 5 days in Tekong. Yes. Back to Tekong. Again I cannot remember much as it was very fast. I can only remember it was mission after mission and we had minimal sleep so it was pretty much zombie and survival mode. I remember it was tough and pretty brutal. So much so I cannot mention them here. I hope I can remember if any of you were to ask me personally and verbally. But yes it was tough and quite brutal. 

One experience that I can share would be this. 

There was one mission where a group of us in our syndicate, I think about 10 of us. We were on one side of Pulau Tekong and we were supposed to do a reconnaissance mission. So the 10 of us walked quietly in the middle of the night, I think it was like 12 am, in our full battle order, to spy and gather information on an enemy base located at the other end of Pulau Tekong. It was roughly 5 kilometres away. 

The mission was simple, walk 5km, gather information of the enemy base, walk back 5km to our base. It was a slow walk though, with the loads on our back and the quiet tactical walk in the night. 

After we successfully gathered the information, we walked back. A few hundred metres on our way back, we were told that we were ambushed. Thunderflashes and gunshots exploded around us. Until now I don't know whether it was the enemy who ambushed us or the cadres giving us a hard time. But anyway the whole thing was a simulation and we had to comply regardless. 

So we ran as hard as we could as a recce mission team were not allowed to engage in fire fights. We ran. As we ran, the cadre would shout out casualty and one of us would be “shot down”. We then had to carry them while we run. 

We kept on running. More and more of our groupmates were declared casualties. I remember this very clearly. Out of 10, 7 were declared casualty. So 3 of us had to carry 7 of our mates. The 3 of us were me, Fardlie and Hamdan. 3 skinny fellas. Since we could not sprint anymore, we had to do front and rear cover. Meaning, I would run 100 metres forward and point my gun forward as a security. Hamdan had to cover our rear as Fardlie dragged 7 men to my position. Fardlie would then become the rear guard at my position. Hamdan then would run 200 metres and overtake me by 100 metres to be the front cover and I would drag the 7 bodies to Hamdan's position. And we took turns. 

I remember we had about 4 more kilometres to do this process. It was about 3am. We had to be back by 4am to relay the information we gathered to our base so that we can prepare for a 6am dawn attack. I don't know if you can imagine this torture. Just imagine 3 boys dragging 7 fully loaded soldiers for a good 2 kilometres. 

At one point, we were so tired. We knew we cannot make it back in time. Fardlie Hamdan and I just laid down on the ground beside each other. We were done. We cannot make it. Our Cadre, Sergeant Khartik was screaming at us to get up. He gave the simulated threats like we were going to die, our mission will fail, our base will be destroyed, the enemy is going to make us Prisoners of War, etc. But we didn't move. He then moved on to real threats like we are going to be charged and confined for insurbodination and ignoring orders. The 3 of us just looked at each other on the ground. We were ready to be charged. We could not carry 7 bodies for another 3 kilometres like this. We just didn't move. 

Sergeant Khartik was a fierce soldier. We were all afraid of him. I think it was just there and then, he told us, he would recover all soldiers, provided we can sprint back to base by 4am. And he did. And so did we. We all got up and sprint our hearts out. 

Yes. Things like that. It was tiring. On our last mission, we had to fast march to Tekong Jetty while being “chased” by the enemy. Susceptible to random ambush and artillery attacks. We had to carry casualties and did front and rear cover and the basic routines. It was tough. Very tough. 

One of the cadre, I don't know who, shouted at us and said, “The moment you reach the jetty, your mission will end! Endure and carry on! Once you reach the jetty you will be guardsmen and all guardsmen will have a glow in their eyes! Earn that glow!”

It sounded cheesy. We thought it was cheesy too. We just continued with our mission. 

We reached the jetty and we were allowed to stop being tactical and have our rest. They declared that SUMMEX was over. We cheered wearily and congratulated each other. That's where we saw the truth in the cadre's words. I kid you not. I saw literal glows in everyone of our eyes. We couldn't believe our eyes too (pun intended). Yes all our eyes were glowing. I saw it myself. I even asked my mates, “are my eyes glowing too?” They said yes. I remember this image until today. It was cool. Really. Many many years later when google came about, I found out it that our eyes dilated due to lack of sleep and hydration causing the glow effect.
​

Not everything was torturous in the course. There were some fun moments too especially because it was a “Gentlemen's Course”. Our morale was quite ok throughout the course. I remember this particularly one incident. 

Remember I said that I was the only one who could imitate Staff Saygar closely? There was another guy who could imitate an officer. I forgot his name and also the officer's name. Let's just say that the guy's name is Tan and the officer is S1. 

One night while we were in a firing range, we were all sitting and chatting in pitch dark in the middle of the range while waiting for instructions. It was high morale and chatty and all. It was really pitch dark and all that we could see was the night sky. To move around, we had to look up and take references from our friends' silhouettes. So Tan and I walked to the edge of the group and sat down quietly. We waited a few minutes to blend in the dark. Everyone was still chatting. And then Tan and I imitated S1 and Staff Saygar.

Tan: So Saygar.... how was the range today?

Me: All ok sir. So far all ok. They all commanders level they all should know.

Tan: Any problems for the night range? Why is there a delay?

Me: We are waiting for instructions sir. But so far all ok sir. 

Everyone just became quiet. Silent. They didn't expect Staff Saygar and S1 to be there. It was really quiet until Tan laughed out loud.

Tan: Aaaaahhh!!! You all scared right??!!!!

They all then realised it was Tan and me and we all had a good laugh.

And then also my syndicate 3 got a confinement on the last weekend of the course because we left a night vision goggle in Tekong during the summary exercise. But being sergeants, we now were allowed to use the Specialists Mess. A place where there was food, aircon, TV, pool table, darts, board games and such. So it wasn't really a terrible confinement. 

All of us graduated from the GCC happily. It was a tough yet fun course. Thanks to the Gentlemen's Course idea. I don't know if there are anymore Gentlemen's Course after that but we were lucky to be in one. Almost all of us got our khaki beret and guards shoulder tab except me and a few other who have yet to complete the 10km below 50 minutes run. As mentioned, I never passed that run until today. I was kind of hoping that they would kick me out from the unit and send me to a less tough vocation but it never happened. 

As we completed our GCC, the men from 10th Mono Intake completed their BMT as well. A good weekend bookout and when we come back next week, we would be assigned to our companies and men where we would then train them to become Guardsmen in what is called the “Advance Infantry Training” or AIT.

NEXT WEEK : Advanced Infantry Training

Categories : THE ARMY SERIES

At 40 years old, I found out that I might have been having a neurological condition, though I can yet afford an official assessment and diagnosis. In the meantime I shall call this condition “AS”. I spent time reading about “AS” and it made me realise that the signs and symptoms were prevalent throughout my life. It is like these writers know exactly how I have been living my life though we have never met before. I start this “Weirdly Wired” series to document about my life experiences with the symptoms which all these while I thought were “normal”. ​

​I always wondered. Is it because I am ugly? Just like the ugly duckling? Was I physically weaker? Was I not smart enough? I somehow could not fit in. And when I tried, it all felt just weird. 


LEGS

My mother said I started walking when I just reached one year old. She said it was faster than normal. Yet, I walked on tip toe. I remember this. I walked on tip toe till I was maybe 5 when I was in kindergarten. I always got scoldings to walk properly. I finally did, but walking on tip toe still feels more natural till today. It feels more comfortable and I have more control. Which made me realise too that I have a weird gait until today. Every time I watch a video of myself walking, it look weird. Like I don't stride my legs forward but rather push them backwards. I had problems running long distance during the army and my mates would always say that I am lazy to stride forward. Tried as I might but they still say that I didn't. Apparently, gait and tip toe are symptoms. 

Another thing about legs that I kept getting scolded about was, swinging my legs when sitting on a chair. I don't understand this. Why was I not allowed to swing them? People say that it is a bad habit. But swinging and rocking felt normal. It may have been therapeutic but at that time, it was just fun. 

A trivia for legs, I cannot skip. As in skip with a skipping rope. I cannot dance. I cannot play the drums when the pedals are involved. Basically I cannot coordinate my legs with my body at the same time. I can play football though as I don't need to coordinate my legs with my hands. 

TOYS

I don't really like many children toys. Like figurines or cars or kites or guns. I liked toys that I can arrange. I had a lot of those small toy soldiers. I would arrange them in order or arrange them like they are in a battle formation. I had small toy animals too that I would arrange them in some manner like in a zoo or in a jungle. I liked blocks too and arrange them to look like buildings or in some order. Basically I liked arranging things. But most importantly, they must make sense. You cannot put a recce soldier with binoculars in front of the formation. There must be some people covering him. You cannot put a tiger beside a polar bear. Things like that. When I was slightly older, I had table soccer toys. I didn't actually like playing them. I just liked arranging them in various formations and admire them. 

But I like stuffed toys till today. Not all kinds. Just those that I feel I can trust and I can talk to.

This is where I realise, I don't fit in with people my age at that time. I really don't like playing with them or with my cousins. I hated the games they play. They make up their own rules as and when they liked. There was no order and I hated them. We played outdoor games like in the playground or void decks or beaches or parks and I realise I always got bullied because I didn't understand their sudden change in rules. While I was questioning myself, why should there be only scissors paper and stones in a game when there are many things in the world that can break a pair of scissors instead of a rock or a blunt scissors cannot cut a thick vanguard sheet, they would change it to black and white palms and before I knew it, I would be the one assigned to chase after them or look for them as they hide. It was tiring and utter nonsense. Not to mention, always confusing. And I hated running. 

SYMMETRY AND PATTERNS

I was obsessed with symmetry. I looked forward for symmetry lessons in school for me to understand how symmetry works. Everything has to be in order. There must be symmetry and balance. Put 2 soldiers to the left, there must be 2 other on the right. I get disturbed when I don't see symmetry. Even till now, I get disturbed when my students cannot see symmetry and 2/3 rules when taking photographs. 

But there are things that are not symmetrical. I had to find a way not to be disturbed by it. And that is by looking for patterns and pictures and images. Like a carpet with some non symmetrical design in my room. My mother said that they were leaves but I saw clearly in the design that there were 3 medieval Chinese soldiers in full armour. Or if I see tree bark designs (which are obviously not symmetrical), I would see them as a maze or road networks for ants to pass through.

READING

I read everything. I started reading before I was 2 years old and had my library card at 2. I just could not stop reading. I read everything that I could see. I prefer the Malay language as the pronunciation is as how it is spelt. I hated the English and Arabic language as there is no order and consistency. When I was in madrasah and we learnt to write and read Jawi scripts, I always get annoyed with the teachers as there was always no consistency in spelling. As for English, things like why “bus” is spelt with a “u” in the middle and not “a”? Any why is “busy” pronounced as “beezeey” and not “baseey”?

Anyway I read everything. Books, newspapers, sign, captions, wordings on things like shoes, toothpastes, plastic bags etc. I personally enjoyed reading history, facts and maps. I love them. I love the details in them. I memorised maps and proudly share them with my parents and uncles and aunties. Of course my parents would agree with me. But I remember that everyone else never took me seriously. 

There was once when I was 8 years old. A bunch of old folks were talking about the upcoming MRT plans. This was in 1988. I was just sitting and playing alone but I could hear them talking. They were wondering why the Jurong East station had 3 tracks. They came out with various reasons like one of the tracks lead to the depot, a spare track, an emergency track etc. I couldn't take it and told them that it was for a northward extension to three more stations, ie. Bukit Batok, Bukit Gombak and Choa Chu Kang. 

The whole living room roared with laughter. I remember this very clearly. They laughed at me. They said... what Gombak? You think this is Malaysia? Gombak is in Selangor! I was very upset. Little did they know that I memorise the map of Malaysia and Selangor too. But I was only 8 in a room of adults and I couldn't say anything back.

​

​THINGS THAT I HEAR

Not only did I memorise maps. I could memorise things that I hear. I would repeat them when I hear them. I thought it was just a habit. But I found out that it is also a symptom. Repeating things that I hear. Either loudly or muttering them. Thus with constant repeating, I could memorise lines from movies and songs. I would say them over and over again, word by word, with its exact intonation. Initially it was funny to my relatives but soon they got annoyed of it. I can say out every line in P Ramlee movies down right to the tone, speech pattern and voice register. I memorised songs I hear on the radio and TV. I was actually repeating them. I wasn't like really singing them. I was just repeating. But since they were songs, it sounded like I was singing them. My father always said then, “Ini semua pandai, ngaji tak boleh.” (Good at memorising all these but I cannot read the Arabic words in Quran lessons.) It was not that I could not read them. I just dislike them because there is no order. How can one letter sound differently at different times? But if you let me hear them, I can memorise with ease. Father realised this and sometime later, he bought cassettes of Quranic verses for me to memorise.

Anyway I didn't particularly enjoy my childhood years unless I was at home. I enjoyed being at home. Travelling, mixing with cousins, going to school, trying to mix with people, trying to make people understand me, disorder in people's behaviour are all very very disturbing. But I thought that they were all normal and I just have to adapt and not be a troublesome brat.

There are many other symptoms that are prevalent throughout my life that are not exclusive to when I was a child. Maybe from next week onwards, I will post things according to symptoms rather than the age period. 


NEXT WEEK : Sensory Overload

Every time I hear the word “Passing Out Parade”, I will have people passing out in my head. I will imagine people fainting with a fanfare. 

There was one parade sometime during BSLC, which I cannot remember what it was for, there were a number of trainee from my company who fell out or pass out during the long stand in the parade square. I remember that I didn't fall out and completed the whole parade but I cannot remember how long we stood there that was probably long enough for people to pass out. 

There were a lot of casualties from my company that day and we got quite a scolding from a lot of people. I remember that the scoldings were harsh. Then the last person who talked to us was our Company 2IC whose name was Warrant Estrop. He was a cool guy. The only commando in our batch at that time. Initially he said nicely to us saying that he wouldn't scold us after all the scolding we got. I cannot remember what he said. I only remember the last part. He said something like, “You all can only improve from now on. Because you cannot get any worse.” I laughed a bit under my breath when he said that.

​Anyway, we are going to have our 17th ASLC Passing Out Parade. A parade that marked the end of our training in SISPEC. On this day, those who somehow excelled would get their silver bayonet and the best trainee will get his golden bayonet. I didn't bother to “work hard” to get the bayonets. I just wanted to get this course over and done with and move on nearer to end the army. We all would get our “3 stripes” anyway. On this day we would be given the 3 striped chevron and pass out with a rank of 3rd sergeants. 

I think I mentioned this before in my BMTC post. I told my Platoon Commander in SISPEC that I wanted to be posted back to BMTC. Personally it was because I bear some kind of grudge with my BMT sergeants and Physical Training Instructors and I wanted to get back there and show them that we are of the same rank now and I cannot be your pushover anymore. But my PC told me that the people who were sent to BMTC are there because of a reason. (I cannot say the reasons here. It could be a personal reason. I don't know. But it made sense.) He said I will never be sent to BMTC. “You are fully trained here in SISPEC. With all the training that makes you a leader of men in the battlefield, why would I send you to someplace to teach people how to tie shoelaces?” That was just a part of it. I cannot say more. But yes it made sense.

Unlike in BMTC where we were told of our posting results after the parade, here we were told of our posting results a few days before the parade. I realise that it was all already planned. This 17th ASLC was a Guards batch. And these people who came to this 17th ASLC were from the Advanced PTP and BMT batch. Not everyone but most of us. It's like 60% from BMT went to SISPEC BSLC. 70% goes on to ASLC. And about 80% of us who graduated from this ASLC were posted to 3rd Battalion Singapore Guards 10th Mono Intake. So we would see each other again after all.

​It was a normal parade with just 2 companies. Alpha and Bravo company. Nothing special. Nothing as exciting as BMTC pass out parade. Though on hindsight, I don't see what the hype is about for a BMT passing out parade. 

Anyway I like our uniforms. They were old school starched and waxed and stiff. I don't know if the army does this kind of regimentation anymore. I heard that boots don't have to be shiny anymore now. So it was kind of an experience. The last few batches of the 2nd generation army experience. 

After the parade, our parents or guest would come down and remove the corporal rank from our shoulders and attach the 3rd sergeant rank. I still think the chevrons on the shoulders look cooler than on the chest like now. It felt old school. It felt like the army we knew.

​Anyway the parade ended quickly because there were only 2 companies. We will see most of us in the next vocation anyway. Just a few days break and we will check in into our new camp that we will stay in for the next 1 year 9 months. Yes. My army term was 2 and a half years. My unit vocation last as long as a current soldier's full NS term.

​I was quite happy to be posted to 3rd Guards though I have heard about how tough it is going to be. But at that time I couldn't care much. How much worse can it get? I was just looking forward to check in to the 3rd Guards camp. At that time it was a new building and we would be only the 2nd batch to use the new building. So it was quite new and nice. And also, it is located at Bedok. 

That was my motivation. I'll be back on to the mainland. Goodbye Pulau Tekong. Thank you for the past 9 months. Good riddance.

NEXT WEEK : Guards Conversion Course

​I am starting this new series just for fun. I don't know how it will be an entertaining read. I don't know how it would be useful. I don't know how it would benefit anyone. But then again there are a lot of crap contents on the internet nowadays, and there are people who actually like them. As for me, I can use it as a source of reference in the future as I live the last half of my life. 

People say, life starts at 40. I was honestly looking forward to it. But as I turned 40 in 2020, life was terrible. We were made to coop up as incomes drop while we protect ourselves from some flying virus. 

So while sitting quietly during the 2020 Circuit Breaker, not knowing what to do, not knowing where life is heading to, I spent my time reading and watching movies online.

It started with watching one particular movie which triggered my realisation. I have a liking to this movie because there were parts of it that I can relate. Then I remember that there are other movies that I like and I like them because I can relate to them too. That's when I realise that these movies have the same thing in common. And these are the movies that I like. And it is all about the main character and I realise I like them because I can relate. 

No big deal right? We all like movies and stories that we can relate to.

Then I did readings on the characters which were actually based on real people. I found out that these people all have one thing in common. They all have a particular neurological condition. So, I can relate to them because of this condition? I did more readings (just like in movies where the main character found out something and he goes on researching with fast cuts and dramatic music) and suddenly everything made sense.

I am not going to name the movies because you will know the characters. Because if you do, you will know what is the neurological condition that they are having. 

Why am I not mentioning all these? 

Because... why do i feel that I can relate to these characters? Why do suddenly everything make sense? Because, i realise that i may have the same neurological condition as them. I cannot say for sure because I would need to go for an assessment and diagnosis to confirm that I have the condition too but as for now I cannot afford to do so. Will explain this later in the post. But for now and the rest of this posts and series, let's call this condition “AS”.

Such a long introduction. Let's summarise.

1) Life starts at 40. Turned 40 in 2020. It was Circuit Breaker.
2) Watched movies and realise I can relate to the main characters
3) Found out that they all have “AS”
4) Read about “AS” and realise that I might have the condition too.

And then my whole life all these while made sense. I read about the signs and symptoms of “AS”. I did those free “AS” tests online. And my past 40 years of life made perfect sense. Everything from reading at 2 years old, walking on tip-toe, how I see things, how I made friends (and lose them), the constant fatigue, meltdowns and outbursts. And many many other things. All make perfect sense. 

All these while I thought it was normal. And apparently, there is a condition for this? You mean most people do not experience these?

One cool thing that happened in 2009, which I got reminded of while reading about “AS” was when I wrote a play that I would later acted in myself. I took the opportunity to create one character (that I was going to act as) to be as myself. I was happy because I just had to be myself. The things that I would say, the things that I would do, things that I like, things that I play, how I would say them, were all in that character. Just me being my comfortable self. (I didn't know about masking then. I thought I was just adapting to situations. Apparently I have been masking my whole life and playing that character was such a relief to be my own self. More about masking in other posts.) During the preview of that play, an acquaintance said that my character has “AS”. 

At that time I was annoyed. That was the time when “AS” came into light and I felt that it was a “mainstream” thing. Being born in 1980, there was no such thing as “AS” diagnosis. So I thought the acquaintance was generalising new mainstream things into characters. I felt annoyed because I was just being myself. What do you mean I have “AS”?

Well, of course the next step is to go for assessments and diagnosis right? Unfortunately, they are expensive and I cannot afford them. Especially during these period of financial uncertainty. 

I tried asking a government institution. The price quoted was cheaper but the next assessment will be in 7 months time and I have to get a referral from a polyclinic. 

I have doubts with polyclinics to be honest. With the number of people in queue for consultation, I feel that they will brush minor things aside. Most probably give me a 2 days MC to sleep and think it over. I don't know. But I have a feeling that they will not take me seriously. So I am going to shelf this assessment idea aside for the moment. Plus I am not a child anymore and have lived with this condition for 40 years, I realise that no one cares and no one will believe me. So I don't think it's worth to spend thousands on an assessment and diagnosis that will not change my life or employability. Worse if I have spent that amount only to be diagnosed negative, I would have wasted that much money only to know that I am crazy.

So what is going to be in this series of posts? 

Once a week, (I'm aiming for 1 post every Wednesday) I will share a symptom / sign of “AS”. I will also share life experiences or situations where these symptoms were prevalent or happened in my life. Things that I thought were normal but apparently not for everyone.

Why am I doing this? My readership is low, so asking for sympathy is out of the question. I would want to document all these for future reference in case I die and anyone wondered why I live my life as such, or if I need them for future assessments. A friend also encouraged me to document them. Maybe I can compile them into a book in the future. There are a lot of videos on youtube by people with “AS” sharing their experiences and advices. I will not do that. I'd rather write. But the purpose is somewhat similar. How it relates to you or benefit you, is entirely up to you.


NEXT WEEK : When I was a boy.

Up till today I have no idea what is the right meaning of R & R. Some say “Rest and Relax”. Some say “Rest and Recreation”. Some say “Rest and Recuperate”. So which one is it? 

This one will be a relatively short post too. My memory is failing me and this R&R was 20 plus years ago at the moment I am writing this. Luckily I have photos so it kind of reminded me of a number of things. The importance of photos. 

22 February 2001

Sleepy morning yet very exciting. We are finally done with training and we are going for our well deserved R&R. If you know me, I personally dislike travelling and being in foreign place even though it is supposed to be fun. I'd rather be at home where I know my administrative matters are safe. Nevertheless, we were all looking forward for R&R and get back to civilisation.

Unlike most batches, we had our R&R in Taipei. Most batches and even people I knew who went to SISPEC had their R&R at Kaohsiung. I felt lucky. It would be a 4 days R&R. 2 days of educational tour and 2 days free and easy. Not bad. It was like a 4 days holiday package.

I also noticed something on the first day of R&R. Remember I told you that it was winter and the skies were always gray? On this day, the sun actually came out. It was the beginning of spring and I could really see sun rays and tiny flowers blooming here and there. 

We rode the bus out of Puwei Camp never for me to see it again (even until today via Google Earth) and travelled up north to Taipei, the capital of Taiwan. Interestingly we rode past the same route for our exercises, only this time on buses. We can see the roads clearly now. The bridges, rivers, buildings, the training area and of course the pinang girls. I also noticed that many shops were still closed. A friend told me that in Singapore, Chinese New Year is celebrated for 15 days but here in Taiwan, it is a month long.

I cannot remember where we went after that. I could only remember it was 2 days of tour. It was free and easy after dinner but I cannot remember anything during the free and easy parts for the 2 days. 

As for the tours, it was fun. We went to maybe 3 theme parks, a museum, a dam and some sight seeing places. I enjoyed the theme park though I didn't ride many things there. I have never been a fan of thrill rides. But I particularly liked the theme parks because I have never been to theme parks that really had “themes”. Only then I could see the meaning of “Theme Parks”. If only we had digital cameras back then, I would have taken a lot of photos. I only had a film roll of 36 exposures for the R&R.

We were housed in a proper commercial hotel in the city centre. Still I do not know where and I cannot look it up. (These things actually frustrates me). The maps I had then were all in Mandarin. I cannot remember the name of the hotel and where it was located. But it was a proper hotel and I liked it. It was in the city area so after dinner when we had our own time, we could walk around the area. 

We were given a card each with the address of our hotel in case we got lost and need to ask for directions back. We were also told to never mention that our hotel had a 7-11 convenient store on the ground floor if we ever wanted to use 7-11 as point of reference just like we do in Singapore. This is because, the number of 7-11 stores there then were a lot! It was like 7-11 everywhere at every turn and at every building. 

The 2 days of “Free and Easy” were spent walking around the city. 

The public buses there were cool to us then. It was like totally opposite from Singapore's public bus system which we found really cool. Taiwan is a left hand drive system meaning the vehicles move on the right side of the road. The driver is on the left of the vehicle. The bus doors were on the right of the vehicle. The bus stops were in the middle of the road instead of the side. We board the bus from the rear door instead of the front. We paid our fares when we alighted from the front door instead of when we board. Cool right? At that time we joked that we were in a dream and that we entered a mirror and were now on the other side of the mirror where everything was reversed.

The people were nice. The ladies were pretty (to me). The most interesting thing (at that time) was the ladies had a liking to dark skinned males. Which was understandable. They didn't see us much at that time as there were not much internet coverage then or smart phones. It was really fun walking along the roads and paths to have this feeling of the pretty ladies turning their heads and smiling at these dark skinned Malay boys. That was when I had this thought in my head. If I am not to be appreciated in Singapore, I am so going to migrate to Taipei. 

There were also a lot of night markets in Taipei. One of the bigger ones was Shihlin Night Market. (Many years later we started seeing stalls named Shihlin Taiwan Snacks in Singapore.) Just a normal night market but it was huge compared to Sungei Road and Bugis Village and pop-up Pasar Malam. It was really fun. There were really a lot of snacks. My friends challenged each other to eat the “Smelly Tofu”. I could not bring myself to try it and also I was not sure if it was prepared in a halal way. There were also a lot of cold tea stalls too. That I tried. Flavoured tea we have never heard before. We all bought different flavours and tried each other's tea. At that time we have never seen anything like that before. It was after a few months later in mid 2001, the first Taiwanese bubble tea fad reached Singapore.

It was pretty enjoyable but I cannot remember much as my mind was already home. Like I said, I prefer to be home. Not because I love home but because I prefer if my administrative matters are routined and safer.

I hope you enjoyed the pictures in this relatively short post.

NEXT WEEK : Passing Out Parade and Vocation Assignment

This is going to be a pretty short post. Simply because I cannot remember much about the event. Why? Because it is about Exercise Warrior. One of the dreaded exercise in SAF among many others. 

Exercise Warrior was (I think it's shorter now.) a 9 day mission exercise. 9 days in the jungle. Something that none of us has ever been through. Imagine 9 days with minimal rest, mission after mission on Taiwanese terrain. It is already hard to survive 5 days of office hour work, that too with proper 8 hours sleep every night yet by Wednesday we will already be dreading the week. This is 9 days doing something we were trained to do but not something that comes naturally in our daily civilian life. Somewhere between the 4th day, my mind and body was already on auto-pilot mode and I could not remember anything. It was just, weary bodies, sleepy eyes and brains going on auto-pilot, mission after mission.

It was particularly dreading because army missions are confusing to me. They try to make it as systematic as possible but the terrain, time and fatigue always make it difficult. And also, the idea of 9 days in the jungle. 9 days of combat ration. I wonder how we were going to clear our bowels.

But... but.... on the 4th or 5th day, we would be having a “technical break”. So I guess, that was something we could all look forward to. More on the “technical break” later in this post. 

Day 1, we moved off to the training area sometime after lunch. Well technically that was already half day gone so I was grateful. I was assigned to be the section commander for the first mission. Honestly I didn't know that the “mission” has already started once we moved off from camp. 

We reached the training area in the late afternoon and our platoon proceeded to “harbour” in a particular area. Harbour means, we will settle at the area for the night with routine alert and sentry duties, protecting the area and protecting ourselves. We were all positioned by our platoon commander and my position overlooked a hill slope with a wonderful view of the mountains. We were all assigned individual positions quite a distant from the next man. So we were pretty much alone the whole night. 

Yes, a whole night alone in the cold winter Taiwan hills. I had my jacket and gloves on, blanketing myself with my sleeping bag but it was really cold. It wasn't freezing cold but cold enough for a boy from the tropics. Sometime around midnight, our platoon sergeant walked to everyone of us individually to check that we were all ok and reminded us to keep warm. He told us that it is very important because somehow, that night, the weather was colder than normal. It was 9 degrees celsius. 

I couldn't take it but I endured. Then I remembered, I brought this ointment from home. It was called “Minyak Hijau” or green oil. It's an ointment for muscle aches but I remember at that time maybe I can use it because it gives off a heaty effect. Like tiger balm oil or salonpas. But much hotter.

So in the dark, in the cold, I looked for the oil. I took off my jacket, unbuttoned my shirt and pants so that I can apply the ointment on my body and especially legs. Unscrewed the bottle and then there was this rubber stopper beneath the cap. It is especially hard to dislodge that rubber cap when it is a new bottle. So I tried and tried, getting colder as I took more time. And then..... it came off with a pop and I spilled the oil onto my stomach, groin and legs. I looked in horror as half of the bottle has spilt. At first it was a horror of wastage, and then it was a horror of the heat creeping in. 5 minutes ago I was shivering in the cold. Now I was biting my lips and clenching my teeth to fight the heat. It was funny as since I was alone, I took off my uniform and lowered my pants to allow the cold Taiwan night weather to cool me down. Somehow it tire me out and i put my clothes, and jacket on and fell asleep all the way till morning when someone woke me up. They told me there was an earthquake that night and I slept through it. I was quite disappointed not to be able to feel and experience the quake. 

Next morning, we moved off for our first attack. As I said before, I thought the mission started then. We will have a briefing and all. But no, the mission started when we moved off from camp. None of my section mates know our roles or tactics because I didn't brief them. I really thought we were going to do it then. My PC was very angry and we got scared. I told him I will brief them along the go. Shitty thing was, my section was the point section meaning I had to lead the whole platoon to the assault area. It was very stressful navigating the walk that I didn't plan for. I will not forget this. It was very very stressful. It's not like we were walking along a Singapore's nature reserve park connector. This was in a foreign country and I had no idea where we were and where we were going. 

Maybe it was the stress of walking up and down the line of soldiers briefing them on their tasks yet at the same time navigating the route, my legs failed for the first (luckily the only) time in my life. I could still walk but somehow I could not climb. Every slope, my legs just could not push my body up. It was a strange feeling not to be able to feel your legs pushing you uphill. I kept falling and dropping that the people behind me had to push me up every time. It was weird because I knew my body was not tired (yet). I just could not feel my legs. 

Anyway the mission went on and we completed it. I was screaming orders to my men during the attack and the reorganisation after the attack. My PC said I was a “garang” commander. But really in my head then was, I was tired pulling my legs along the walk and I wanted to get this mission over and done with. I had no sense of belonging towards the mission at all. It was just fatigue and please get it done as soon as possible. That was my only mission as a section commander for Exercise Warrior because everyone of us will take turn to lead a mission each. I guess, leading the first mission would be better than the last mission.

After that, it was all blank. Auto-pilot. 

I actually took like a 30 minutes break after the last sentence to see if I can remember anything. Yup. Nothing. It was all blank. 

And then on the 4th day, we had a “technical break”.

A technical break in the army is when all of us have a real break. A tactical break means we will all still be in soldier mode with routined sentry and watch duties while others take a break. But a technical break means we don't have to be in tactical mode at all.

So it was a half day technical break. Something that we all looked forward to. On this day we changed our clothes, had powder baths, cleaned the camo from our faces. Some brought facial wash. Best thing was, we had packed meals. Though it was still camp food, but it was still nice fresh cooked meals. We had fruits and some chocolates. And also, we were told that the exercise will be cut short from 9 days to 8 days. Just one day but it was good enough for us. I cannot remember why though. I heard it was due to some typhoon warning or earthquake or just simply administrative matters.

We also took this time to rest our legs, chatted, a short nap and took photos.

We rested for half a day at this place. It was an orange plantation with some bamboo vegetation. We have no idea who the owner of the plantation is. When we came to the place, the trees were full of oranges. But when we left...... I don't think I can say much but technical break had sweet memories. 

After that, it was blank again. I cannot remember anything. I do remember some faces in my head though. Exercise Warrior was the last exercise of our stint in SISPEC. This was the final opportunity for people to “shine and show their potential”. At the end the whole course, there will be a presentation to the outstanding trainee. Notable trainee will be given the “Silver Bayonet Award” while the top trainee will be given the “Gold Bayonet”. Personally I did not bother about all these. I just want to get NS done quickly without any baggages or extra duties. But there were people who were really into this and tried very hard to impress. It was so weird. The “wayang” was too obvious that it became quite yucky to see. But that's how things work in this world right?

And that is all that I can remember. I don't even remember when we got back to Puwei Camp or what we did. I guess it was all administrative stuff. Clean up and rest and more cleaning and getting ready to leave the camp. Oh now that I said it, I remember people buying street food from vendors outside the camp. It was funny. They couldn't see the vendors behind the wall. But they just shout out the order. In Mandarin. Then they would throw the money over the wall which was about only 3 metres high and the vendor would then throw the food over the wall to the guy within the camp walls. I don't know what they ordered. Looked like some fried snacks. 

Yes that is pretty much it. 

Next week : R & R

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